I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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