yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
