So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
