My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
