I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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