May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
