His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
