She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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