I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
