Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
