I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
