I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
