I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You may now shotgun with the bride
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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