Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
