I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
