Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Let's paint friendship bongs
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
