She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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