She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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