and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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