i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
