She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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