I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
