I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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