PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
