I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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