saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
one might say we're banned from that church
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
