So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
