Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
