He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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