remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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