If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
