I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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