farters have to be the big spoon...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
