This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
