You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
