There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
