Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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