I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
