sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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