Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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