I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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