dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Come see our sink grown plant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
