and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
