when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
