well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
