I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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