is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
