How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
