I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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