She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
