u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
